I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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