i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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