Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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