I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
