is your mom at the bar?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
