were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
only you would photoshop your dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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