Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
