using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
