I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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