She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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