I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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