sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm too high and old for this...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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