Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
