i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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