whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
