So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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