her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
