so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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