What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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