Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
