just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
