It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I checked into jail on foursquare
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
