His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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