Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
