I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
