I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
