I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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