I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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