Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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