so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
