Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
