you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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