we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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