It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
