the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
