You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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