This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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