I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
