So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
