After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
