I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
