OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
