have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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