Betty ford says i'm here all night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
