You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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