I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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