i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize