If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
