I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
