I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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