i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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