saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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