then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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