What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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