no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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