You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
