My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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