Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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