I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
