apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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