our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
