i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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