I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
