it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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