No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
time to smoke my breakfast
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
