so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
